First, Heal the Healer.
You know when you’re on an airplane and the attendant is going over the procedures for emergency situations? They encourage everyone to put on their own oxygen mask, first, before helping the person next to them. Well that pretty much sums up how we should care for our own mental wellness, right—except that it doesn’t. This metaphor has been used time and time again, leaving out the minute detail, implying that attention to self-care is only vital in states of emergency. We tend to triage how we manage responsibilities from work, family/friends, community groups, etc., continuously coding our own mental health in green. When we do this, when we say that the signals of distress that our body and mind are giving us “can wait until later”, what are we saying about our idea of self-worth?
Now, personally, I believe that helping others is something that we should all strive to do. If there is a problem; be the solution. At the same time, you can’t help someone else if you are in the midst of running out of your own supply of air. I don’t know about you, but I am not going to wait until the cabin pressure is low to make sure that my lungs are adequately filled with what’s necessary to sustain my life. Self care should be a constant, even daily, practice that we engage in. Sure in the media self care is portrayed as luxurious staycations, spa days, and the like, but self care can be as simple as taking an extra 7 minutes in the shower, practicing mindfulness, or the obvious (to me), investing your time in talking with someone about how to declutter your mind.
Easier said than done. I shelve out a lot of suggestions that in the past I would rarely ever use myself. Practicing self care is a discipline, and it’s the greatest form of self love you can obtain. Slowly I am learning the importance of this. Not even 6 months ago I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Overwhelmed with not 1, not 2, but THREE jobs; Trying to balance a social life, being active in my church community, and trying to carve out time in my schedule to eat and/or sleep— yet still, I continued to tell people ‘yes’ whenever I was needed. I had in my mind that if someone asked of me, and there was a feasible way to make it happen, then there was no reason for me to say ‘no.’ Big mistake! My mental wellness definitely was placed on the back burner. With energy levels as low as mine were, I was not being as effective as I could have or should have been, even though you never would have guessed it. Soon I realized that I wasn’t just disabling myself, but I was interfering with the progression of those relying on me. I found myself having low frustration tolerance, somatic symptoms and so much confusion about everything. At this point I was trying to get oxygen after the emergency was already in motion. I was fumbling around with that darn oxygen mask in a panic, and it took even longer than necessary to figure out how to connect to the life source that was dangling in front of me the whole time.
Coming into the “new year, new me”, I am prioritizing myself, my mental health, and my goals, first. I am working extremely hard on boundaries and advocating for my needs to be met. It’s not coming easy, but nothing worth having ever does.
Here are a few of my self care go-to’s:
Take a bath.
Go to see a movie. (Us— Jordan Peele is a genius!)
Say NO to attending an outing. (More Netflix)
FaceTime call a friend.
Eat good food.
Listen to music.
Crafting.
Read a book. (Currently: The Body Keeps the Score)
Take a walk outside.
Binge a few episodes on Hulu or Netflix. (The Mindy Project is life!)
Clean my apartment.
Light a candle.
Blow bubbles. (My favorite)
Take a nap. (Don’t forget to set an alarm)
